I’ve always hated holidays. When I was a kid my mother made a big fuss on birthdays and Christmas. She would decorate, make a cake, plan gifts. But it was a lie. Our home was bleak and angry and violent. My mother would be in bed when I left for school and in bed when I got home. In her nightgown for days. Or she would be gone when I got home. She would be absent and then suddenly angry. Always at me. Then the perfect holidays. She made me bring her tea on a tray in bed. It had to be the way she liked it. Half-and-half in a little blue and white pitcher. But it was just a matter of time before something ruined the day. Something failed to be perfect. Then it was my fault.
But one of Tina’s amazing qualities is loving and creating beautiful holidays. Every birthday is special. Thoughtful, beautiful, delightful. But for years, especially after the church blowup when I was depressed, I dreaded every event. For two years I had a migraine on EVERY holiday. But, the events are so good and the children are so wonderful that they have been winning me over. For a while I hated them AND loved them. Smiling through the migraine. Seeing that my people are precious and being glad they were happy, but suffering myself. Yesterday we celebrated the twins’ 10th and it was perfect. Not the perfect show of my childhood, but real perfect. Innocent and sweet and fun. Bobbing for apples. Soccer with the neighbors. A piñata in the shape of a kiwi. Smiling children. I loved it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Perfect! Tina's got a powerful gift to be authentic and creative. This post makes me so happy to hear. I too struggle with holidays.. .being born on Christmas Eve to divorced people who get to have their kids 50/50 on holidays meant my birthday was always a power play by my mother to see how miserable she could make me by making sure I didn't have a birthday party. . . this gives me hope! Thank you.
I used to get a migraine every Mother's Day. I think last year was the first Mother's Day I did not get one. I felt bad every year for my kids, because they tried to make the day special for me, but the pain was debilitating. I don't know why it didn't recur last year...maybe I have finally let go of worrying about whether my mother feels happy on "her" day or not. Maybe I care a lot less than I used to overall. I hope this year is headache free again! And I am thankful for your Tina. Peace!
Post a Comment